Brokenness

1. I came across this exerpt in a comment on the TrueFaced blog. The blog was talking about having grace for ourselves in our faith journey with Christ. When we mess up it doesn't disqualify us from continuing to share the truths of living life in His grace. With this context, here is the exerpt.

   From the book “God in the Alley” by Greg Paul

   If you had asked me when I was, say, twenty-five, how I could be the presence of Jesus, most of what I would have told you—assuming I understood your question at all—would have centered on ways I could possibly have modeled his strength, purity, or faithfulness..And if you had gone on and said, “Where or how do you think you could see him in other people?”—well, I would have thought you were talking gibberish, to be honest. But if I had been able to get my head around the question, I would likely have said something about seeing that strength, purity, and faithfulness at work in others.

   Of course, the biblical writers encourage me to be strong (in the Lord, and in the strength of his might, according to Paul`’), exhort me to be pure, and call me to faithfulness. These are the behavioral goals to which I ought rightly to aspire.

   However, these stories of my friends reveal a peculiar paradox: I am more likely to have Jesus revealed to me and through me in weakness than in strength, sinfulness than in purity, or doubt than in perfect faithfulness. If I can sum up all these “failures of the spirit,” all these ways in which nothing ever seems to work the way it should—not the people around me, not the sequences of events that I witness or in which I find myself engaged, and certainly not the operation of my own contrary heart—if I can sum up all these things with the single term brokenness, then I come to this astonishing conclusion: Jesus is found in brokenness.

   This is the surprise of brokenness. The all-powerful Lord may seem distant and even frightening; the spotlessly perfect and unique Christ may seem unattainable. But I know what it’s like to cry out in desperate prayer; I, too, seem to need to suffer in order to learn how to be the Father’s obedient child—although, unlike the Son, its generally my own sins that cause my suffering. It’s the broken Jesus whom I can approach and even, in some small way, begin to emulate. It is he who connects me to the Lord and Christ.

   The surprise of brokenness is not just that the Almighty allowed himself to be broken, and that he invites me to touch him there in that brokenness. It’s also that my own brokenness—that hidden, ugly, twisted stuff that I had expected would disqualify me forever from his friendship, and that, if it were known, would torpedo all my other relationships too—is precisely the place where he desires to touch me, and it is the place where I am most able to truly connect with other people.

   My brokenness, then, turns out to be a place of meeting. My friends from the street keep me at a distance as long as they consider me to be whole and holy; when they discover the truth that I am messed up too, we find common ground.

   Shortly after writing it, I gave a draft copy of the story of my almost fight with Derek to a friend to read.. He had come from the street, was valiantly battling addictions, and had been speaking to me about the riot of resentments he was experiencing in dealing with some of his past associates. I had told him several times that I often experience similar feelings myself, but that seemed difficult for him to accept. Many of my street friends seem to think that because I am a pastor, I must be of a different species from them and perhaps not capable of the same kind of emotions, instability, or dysfunction. By nature, I’m not inclined to quick displays of anger, and I’ve had years of experience dealing with truly objectionable people and situations in a (mostly) calm manner. Although he knew me well, the story was a surprise to my friend. And it was a gift. To both of us. He understood immediately that I was choosing to make myself vulnerable to him, and he treated that confidence—and me—with supreme tenderness. It encouraged hint to know that I really do share some of his struggles and helped him to see that they are part of the human condition, not just more evidence that he himself is a screwup.

   As long as I pretend to myself and others that I am “just fine, thanks,” I keep people—and even God; especially God!—at a distance. When I admit my brokenness and enter into more intimate relationships with God and his people, I am less inclined to judge others’ brokenness. Instead, I can dignify it, recognizing and mourning the deep pain and alienation that is the inevitable result of being sinful people living in a sinful world but rejoicing also that we are together in this, and that God is with us, meeting us at the very point of our need. Essentially, this is simply the practice of confession, and confession is truly good for the soul. It releases me from the pressure of having to pretend that I am other than I am. And that honesty forbids me from requiring very much of others.

Parable of the Two Sons and more

The Wed. morning men's group I am blessed to lead just finished a study of Jesus' well known parable, The Prodigal Son. If you want to read it for yourself, see the gospel of Luke chapter 15. Our study of this parable was directed by pastor Timothy Keller and the study is called Prodigal God. A deeper study of this teaching of Jesus reveals that this is a story of two sons, both of whom are lost.

During the study most of us were convicted of aspects of our lostness and the fact that we entered into the religion of Christendom instead of truly desiring a relationship with our Father in heaven through Jesus. We were blown away week after week as more of our hearts were revealed.

The transparency and vulnerability of this group of men allowed the Holy Spirit to move freely in our midst, which led us into greater intimacy with our Lord and each other. I think I speak for all of us in saying that we can't recommend this study highly enough to you.

Boys and Balsa Wood Airplanes

Okay, I'm going back in time with this one, but remember balsa wood airplanes. Gliders would be a more appropriate name for them. I used to have a blast flying these planes, getting them to glide gracefully in the breeze.

I was thinking about what activity I might do with the 6 year old boy I mentor and into my head came, fly a glider. I wasn't sure if they even existed, as I haven't seen many flying around these days. Together we went to our local drug store and sure enough, there were several to choose from, yahoo!

I picked the good old fashion one, pop the wings out of the mold, slide them into place and Bingo!, we were ready to fly. We have been having a blast throwing the plane up into the breeze and watching it glide, do rolls, turns and flips in the air. I highly recommend it! Cudos to the imagination that our Creator put in us to create the airplane. Balsa wood gliders drew me back to the simplicity and wonder of flight, and yet was quite complex in the beginning for Orville and Wilbur Wright, many trials and errors.

Go out and get yourself a balsa wood glider and have some fun. I think it will bring out the little boy in you, and if you have a little boy nearby, bring him along. Hey, you might try it on a teenager too.

BOB - Time to gather

Time is growing close for men to gather together, reunite, lock arms and journey towards the essence of manhood. I have come to understand that growing in this walk with Christ happens in community, a community rooted in Grace. So... I look forward to meeting with men who lead in humility, embrace the mystery, desire authenticity and seek freedom in relationships.

Tuesday night, Sept. 15th, 6:30 p.m. at the Woodward's house is when and where we lock arms in the walk or run to knowing Him. This is an open invitation to you, please consider joining us!

Band of Brothers - BOB

Have you ever seen the Dvd series, Band of Brothers? It is an incredible series filled with the essence of being a man in many stories from the front lines during World War II. I was riveted to my T.V. set and couldn't stop watching the series when it was loaned to me by a friend. There is so much to mine from the relationships of the men involved in the story. Out of the series, one finds examples of leadership, community, companionship, trust, conflict and brotherhood. I'm feeling led to share this series with men this fall and see where the Lord leads us in this journey. Brothers in Christ, do we fully understand the meaning of brotherhood, like the men in The Band of Brothers? Stay tuned to the start-up date, the journey will begin soon. Are you called to join us?

Here is something from John Eldredge's book, Waking the Dead, that speaks of the need for banding together for discernment.

Rushing the Field
08/21/2009

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A friend of mine wanted to teach English as a second language in an Asian country, as a way of becoming a sort of undercover missionary. A beautiful dream, one that I’m sure she would have been excellent in fulfilling. But she rushed to the field unprepared in many ways. I don’t mean finances and language skills; I mean in the ways of the heart. Lurking down in her soul were some deep and unresolved issues that would set her up for a fall: among them shame and guilt from an abusive past. The team she joined was totally unfamiliar with the new heart, and they doubted its goodness; as with too many Christian ministries, shame and guilt were often used as motivators. Their old covenant theology would play right into Susan’s issues, shut down her young heart. Finally, she was unpracticed in spiritual warfare, ill-equipped for what hell would throw at her. The devil is a master at shame and guilt. She went; she got hammered; she came home, defeated. Her friends wonder if she’ll ever try it again.

The disaster could have been avoided. Wisdom was crying out: do not rush the field (Luke 14:31); train yourself to discern good and evil (Heb. 5:14); live as though your life is at stake, and the enemy is waiting to outwit you (Matt. 10:16). God has given us all sorts of counsel and direction in his written Word; thank God, we have it written down in black and white. We would do well to be familiar with it, study it with all the intensity of the men who studied the maps of the Normandy coastline before they hit the beaches on D-Day. The more that wisdom enters our hearts, the more we will be able to trust our hearts in difficult situations. Notice that wisdom is not cramming our head with principles. It is developing a discerning heart. What made Solomon such a sharp guy was his wise and discerning heart (1 Kings 3:9).

We don’t seek wisdom because it’s a good idea; we seek wisdom because we’re dead if we don’t.

(Waking the Dead , 99–100)

Boundaries and Walls

I have been thinking about boundaries and walls in the context of relationships with others. I really dislike wall building between people and have seen walls built for the silliest reasons over the years. In my observations, walls are rather quickly built through miscommunication and misunderstanding. Many times, the wounded heart will erect a wall for heart protection and that wall may never come down, even though the other party humbles themselves and seeks reconciliation. I think Jesus came to tear down the walls we build around our hearts, more on that later.

Walls are different than boundaries. When I think of a wall what comes to mind is a concrete block wall or a wood wall that separates one person's property from another for privacy. As a kid, I remember climbing over walls that separated our So. Calif. suburban yards to see who was swimming in the neighbors pool, with the hope that when they saw me they might invite me swimming. It was a major effort to scale that barrier and my efforts weren't always greeted with a warm welcome. The wall did what it was supposed to do, give the neighbors privacy and prevent me from entering their backyard world.

People put up walls in relationships in the form of a masks. Mask wearing is all too common. The essence of mask wearing is hiddeness. For many different reasons, the wounded heart fashions a mask for protection.The saddest thing to me is that mask wearers never receive love. Their masks prevent them from receiving love that penetrates the heart. When you try to love a mask wearer and attempt to go deeper in relationship; they usually run to their closet full of masks and a wall is formed.

How do you deal with this wall building in relationships? This is one of the areas where boundaries come into play.

Boundaries are different. Here is what Dr. Harold L. Arnold, Jr. says about boundaries in relationships, he is talking specifically about marriage in this case, but I think his words are applicable for most relationships.

Healthy Boundaries.

Boundaries are an imaginary and internal line where your self ends and another's self begins. There are three types of boundaries: rigid (unhealthy because they are inflexible and disinterested in the perspectives of others); enmeshed (unhealthy because they are so weak that they cannot guarantee safety); and permeable (healthy because they are strong and flexible; able to accept a learning posture while restricting influences which are unsafe for the marriage). God-centered marriages work to maintain marriages with permeable boundaries.

I love the word permeable in respect to a healthy boundary in relationships. A permeable membrane will allow certain molecules or ions to pass through by diffusion. Th at is for you science buffs. In human relationships I think trust is the key in increasing permeability thus increasing the health of the relationship.

Permeable boundaries are necessary in relationships. They help you maintain relationship and keep open the opportunity for another person to experience love, acceptance and grace.

There are other boundaries that we need in our lives. More on that next time. Your thoughts and experiences?

Men in The Great Adventure

These men, friends and co-laborers, finished The Great Adventure with me this May. This study is part three in a men's series titled, Mens Fraternity. We have been together three years on the journey, seeking God in the process of becoming men who; reject passivity, accept responsibility, lead courageously and expect God's greater reward. 

We have grown as men, husbands, fathers and servants of the King. What a tremendous blessing to hang with these men over the years. The best is yet to come! 

An emotional butt-kicker

My wife Monique coined this description for her experience of a week ago, "this has been an emotional butt-kicker". She was referring to a car accident our girls were in with our niece Amy.

The picture to the left shows, Marti (Amy's mom) Monique, Ellie and Amy sitting in one of the E.R. rooms at UC Irvine Medical Center. They all mustered up smiles for th

e camera, but inside they were pretty torn up and wasted.

Carly couldn't conjure up a smile for the camera, as her eye was very sore, swollen shut, and needing stitches. We spent 12 hours in the ER last Saturday nig

ht waiting for Carly to be treated. Ugh! That particular night, 17 trauma cases were came via ambulance to the E.R. Wow! Unfortunately this 

meant Carly was put on the back burner and we waited a long long time for the ophthalmologist to finally stitch up her eyelid. It was quite an ordeal for all of us.

God was with us throughout this experience. He brought an ambulance to the crash scene which 

just happened to be driving by on the freeway. They stopped without ever having to be called. God's hand! God calmed Ellie's heart and prompted her to pray for her niece and sister in the midst of a somewhat chaotic scene. Carly was bleeding pretty profusely from her eye. My nephew Brian, who is currently a police academy cadet, arrived at the scene before any emergency vehicles and responded with care and wisdom. He ended up getting the girls released to him and driving them to the E.R. without need for an ambulance.  

Once admitted to the E.R., we were cared for by nurse Joy, who assessed the injuries quickly and gave attention to all our needs. She was in the midst of a wild evening with all those trauma victims coming to the hospital. Yet, she kept checking in on us and did the little things to comfort us.  

Thanks to her help and presence of mind (God's guidance again) we endured the evening/next morning. Her persistence moved Carly into an operating room setting and anesthesia, when at one point it looked like her eyelid was going to be stitched up with just local numbing anesthetics to her eye. Wow! I would have been the primary assistant had this idea continued. Scary thought! 

So...what is all this doing on the Rocket Men blog? I'm posting this here for a couple of reasons. Monique and I had just come from our Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage conference in Whittier. It went very well, many couples pressed the "Restart Button" in their marriage, asking forgiveness of each other, stepping into humility and grace. 

Laugh Your Way does a beautiful job of presenting the differences between males and females. These differences were very evident in the E.R. Monique and I needed each other and specifically how God has made us to be complete in that moment with our girls. By understanding who Monique is as woman and also according to her life passions, I was able to compliment her in a very stressful time. She was able to help me provide the proper care and comfort for the girls. It was a beautiful dance between husband and wife. 

As I write, our girls are healing and will be back to school after spring break. We are recovering from this "emotional butt-kicker" as parents. God is showing us again that life is precious and fragile. We are not in control, but thankfully He is and we can trust Him. As you turn and gaze at the Cross of Christ this week, I hope you will see beyond to the next day and LIFE! He offers you a LIFE of freedom in His grace, love, acceptance and forgiveness. 

Light and Transparency

I have been reflecting on this passage, Luke 11:35 (The Message)...

"No one lights a lamp, then hides it in a drawer. It's put on a lamp stand so those entering the room have light to see where they are going. Your eye is a lamp, lighting up your whole body. If you live wide-eyed in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is and dank cellar. Keep your eyes wide open, your lamp burning, so you don't get musty and murky. Keep your life as well-lighted as your best-lighted room."

Our men's study through Erwin McManus' book Wide Awake began Wed. March 18th and we are walking into discovering what it means to live lives fully alive, AWAKE. In the passage above, Jesus teaches us, as only He can do through metaphors and analogies, that living fully alive is like being a lamp. 

When we live our lives transparently, the light of Christ is able to bust out all over others in our circle of influence. Why do we bend towards hiddenness, tucking ourselves neatly away in the inner drawers of our hearts? Come join us on Wed. mornings at 6:00 a.m. as together we continue the process of living fully alive in the Light.

Wide Awake

I'm reading a very thought provoking book titled, Wide Awake by Erwin McManus and finding his call to living life Wide Awake is really what God calls us to as followers of Christ. In fact the Scriptures exhort us to live fully and completely human lives the way we were originally created in the garden. This is possible for all of us who follow Christ, for He is re-creating us, renewing our minds, transforming us as we dream and engage with Him in our daily lives.

The apostle Paul references this wide awake living in Ephesians 5:8-18, The Message; see below:

You groped your way through that murk once, but no longer. You're out in the open now. The bright light of Christ makes your way plain. So no more stumbling around. Get on with it! The good, the right, the true—these are the actions appropriate for daylight hours. Figure out what will please Christ, and then do it. Don't waste your time on useless work, mere busywork, the barren pursuits of darkness. Expose these things for the sham they are. It's a scandal when people waste their lives on things they must do in the darkness where no one will see. Rip the cover off those frauds and see how attractive they look in the light of Christ.

Wake up from your sleep,
Climb out of your coffins;
Christ will show you the light!
So watch your step. Use your head. Make the most of every chance you get.

In Men's Fraternity, The Great Adventure, we are rekindling our dreams as men. This has been a difficult exercise for me and for other men. Dreams, dreaming, hmmmm, I haven't done that for years. We are hearing the call to Wake Up. God wants to join us in our dreams. He wants us to dream big with Him. Have you stopped dreaming with God? Ask Him to help you dream again.